Abba, please forgive my rebellion and recurring sin; and teach me to say no to selfish idolatry and yes to selfless obedience in love. I need this change, Lord!

Psalm 44:4-8 ... "You are my King, O God . . . Through You we will push back our adversaries . . . For I will not trust in my bow, nor will my sword save me. But You have saved us . . . In God we have boasted all day long, and we will give thanks to Your name forever."

Abba, thanks for this past month.

• I was laid off Jan 31 and found time to connect individually with all kinds of individuals, including Justin and RoseAnn... partners in whom we immediately and have continually delighted!
• You have blessed me to begin meeting with another brother, walking with him on his fruitful journey toward heart-healing.
• You have also blessed Aleta to gain new ground in the reconciliation of her own heart. It's been such a deep gift to see her increasingly freed to be who she already is.
• And, though Aleta, you've revealed new areas for me to grow into as husband, and as a lover of people. Making what they value important to me, slowing down in communication, asking more questions to clarify, etc.
• Through Jeremy, you introduced the idea of a season in which to explore your kingdom in community. Out of that, it looks as though a dozen-or-so of us are near embarking on such a season, discovering more of your kingdom while uncovering more of ours and moving from ours to yours together. Who knows what other long-term effects you've planned for that experience?
• You orchestrated a good and clarifying conversation with Zack. Perhaps even a healing one. Our interaction since then has seemed more free and relaxed. Please increase our bond and breathe your Spirit into it.
• This week you allowed us to reconnect with Dave and Karen from Chicago visiting Phoenix. We were honored to connect them with Dave and Pam and a bond appeared to immediately form. Again, who knows what will come of that?

I still long to fast more effectively, discipline my flesh more regularly, pray more diligently, and memorize more of your word. These things I want to embrace before returning to work. Please help me adopt these rhythms. And then, Lord, in your glorious way, please provide me with just the right job at the right time.

And we pray for your healing and quickening touch on our other friends who are in need. For Dallas and Heather, Danny and Kendall, Ian and Shiloh, Rocky and Meredithe, Billy and Charlotte, Matt D, Eddie W, Matt P, etc. And for those who need your immediate leading. For Mike and Ali, Grant and Christianne, Dave and Karen, Ed and Kim, Mike M, etc.

Finally, as always, we ask that you create a contextual, covenanted, kingdom community in which we would have a place. A people in a place that are family in Christ, centered on you and eager to join in your mission of redeeming the world. And, with that, please connect us to extended family in other parts of the world so that we might develop a deeper and more real perspective on the condition of this world in which we live that transcends the idolatrous forces of American inculturation.

All this is yours, as are we. Thank you for being the truly free God, better than we could imagine!

"O YHWH, God of my salvation,
I cry out by day and night before you.
Let my prayer come before you;
Listen to my cry!
My soul has had enough troubles,
My life has drawn near to Death.
I am like those who go down to the pit;
I have become a man without strength,
Forsaken among the dead,
Like the slain who lie in the grave,
Whom you remember no more,
Cut off from Your hand.
You have put me in the lowest pit,
In dark places, in the depths.
Your wrath has rested upon me,
You have buffeted me with all your waves.
You have removed friends far from me;
You have made me an object of hatred and mocking;
I am shut up and cannot go out.
My eye is wasted away because of my affliction;
I call upon You every day, O YHWH;
I spread out my hands to you!"
~ Psalm 88:1-9

Abba, make this my prayer. Make me to earnestly seek you in desperation and total abandon. And bring your salvation in like a mighty wind, parting our trouble to the coldest depths of our misery and making us to walk forward on dry land.

We need it, Lord. I need it. I need your kingdom and your kingdom community. I need to know your covenant. I need to know your people. How long, O Lord?

I throw myself on your mercy. I seek you diligently... but even that is by your grace. Move me to seek more, to pray more, to cry out loud enough to be heard!

I die in this wanting. Be unto me the Great Shepherd I have seen you be before. Only now I ask for what I have never had before... the fullness of your kingdom and kingdom community. Lead us into your wholeness, your shalom.

Shalom, God. Do not tease us. Do not torture us. Do not let us be ashamed. Act swiftly in your love, O God!

And now, Lord, I'm seeking You again through a fast of mourning, of grieving, of need ...
... help me to remember the essence of grief that drives me thus. Teach me to discipline my flesh and deny myself.

Fasting.
Physical Discipline.
Labor of Prayer.
Memorization of Scripture.

Teach me, Lord.

A liquid fast of hunger and simplicity
until Wednesday night.

Abba ... O God ...
... You are everything I need to be.

You are aware,
insightful,
diligent,
focused,
alert,
sensitive,
caring,
selfless ...

I am blind,
insensitive,
selfish,
and unaware of those around me,
of their needs,
of their priorities ...

Please forgive me
and grow me
to become the kind of understanding lover
that you are.

O Father, You are holy.

May Your kingdom come and Your will be done here on earth as it is in heaven. Here among your people as it is among the angels. Here in my heart as it is in your Son.

Give us this day,

our daily bread.

Please give us, including me, the bread we need today. Food, rent, groceries, bills, etc. Especially give us our soul's bread. We need your Spirit to saturate us.

You protect us from sin on the outside.
Now transform us to hate sin on the inside.

You lead us through open and closed opportunities on the outside.
Now grow us to discern your leading on the inside.

You reassure us of your loving presence and wise path on the outside.
Now fill us with your peace and faith to boldly press forward on the inside.

Give us today,

our daily bread.

You know our frame, O Lord. You are mindful that we are but dust. Our senses are so bound to the temporal, that it is difficult to live in the eternal. The physical often seems louder than the invisible.

Forgive us our sins

as we forgive those who sin against us.

• As we forgive those in cruel governments who sin against us, the small and voiceless.
• As we forgive the rich who sin against us, the invisible and poor.
• As we forgive the powerful who sin against us, the powerless.
• As we forgive the few who sin against us, the many.
• As we forgive abusive parents who sin against us, vulnerable children.
• As we forgive sexual predators sin against us, the unsuspecting.
• As we forgive our guardians and caretakers who become dangerous offenders against us, the vulnerable.
• As we forgive the betrayers of our open-hearted trust.

Forgive us as we forgive them, because we all sin in the same ways against you, God, and against each other.

• We are the unfaithful wife to you, our loving husband.
• We are the irresponsible caretakers who abandoned your creation of love.
• We are the oppressors who prey in both knowledge and ignorance on your other children.
• We are the instigators of the independence that tears your very body and bride to pieces.
• We are the arrogant, hypocritical, self-appointed judges who condemn others while approving ourselves.

Forgive us, Lord,

as we forgive others.

And lead us away from and through temptation,

delivering us from evil.

We need all that, today, Abba.

I need all that.
Aleta needs that.
Justin and Roseann and Dave and Pam need that.
Meghan needs that.
John and Val and Eddie and Rocky and Meredith and Jeremy and Emily and Aaron and Tashina and Diane and Billy and Charlotte and Shiloh and Ian and Allison need that.
Brian and Crista and Mom and Dad and Zack and Kelli and Dave and Matt need that.

O Lord, fill us, lead us, transform us. We cannot take another step without you.

We need you.

We love you.

We worship you.

We call on you.

Abba, I long to know your kingdom...

...You have sowed the seeds of it in my heart. We were created for you, for life in your realm. The kingdom of God is imprinted on our souls and on the essence of every created thing.

Romans 8:19-23 ... "For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. "

Even all creation longs for your kingdom, O God. How can you delay?

We suffer, and mourn, and grieve, and fast... increasingly...
... and some of us die, and die, and die until we are dead. Have mercy on us, Lord.

Abba, my own longing is a whisper and a shadow of a reflection of your longing. Make me to want like you want. Be more than my Shepherd and make me more than your sheep.

John 15:15 ... "No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you."

If we are indeed more than slaves, more than servants, even friends, then bring us in to share your heart, Lord.

John 17:21-26 ... That they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. righteous Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me; and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them."

Make us one, Abba... with you, with each other. We have your Spirit, your Spirit who feels with you, longs with you, knows as you know, sees as you see, loves as you love, grieves as you grieve, and hopes as you hope. You, Spirit of God, are inside me, joined with my own human spirit as one new creation. Open my heart to receive all that you want to give... your own living experience of all things. And fill me with the ability to receive it and handle it well - unto life.

O God, change me, grow me, transform me, breathe into me and through me. I need more of you, Lord! Connect me, as a branch, more deeply to you, Jesus! Help me connect more deeply! Help me know how, make me strong and motivated, give me the will and the wanting to take me there.

Oh, that you had a tabernacle here, Lord. I would stand in it's gate all day. But now, I am your tabernacle. Your Spirit is in my body. How then do I stand at this gate, undefiled?

Psalm 25 ... "Make me know your ways O Lord. Teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me. For you are the God of my salvation. For you I wait all the day. . . Good and upright is the Lord, therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in justice. He teaches the humble his way. All the ways of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth to those who keep his covenants and his testimonies. For your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my iniquity, for it is great. Who is the one who fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way he should choose. His soul will abide in prosperity and his descendents will inherit the land. The secret of the Lord is for those who fear him. He will make them know his covenant. My eyes are continually toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net."

O Lord, please speak to me today. Please speak, Lord. Your servant is listening...

O Lord, I'm seeking you... fasting for three days. Please give me the will to do this seemingly small thing. I know the idolatry of my flesh is strong and I need you and your vision to be motivated enough to follow through.